Heart of the matter, lies in the head!

Matters of the heart in every which way matter! Be it a casual hello or a nod of the head across a street or corridor or just the glint of approval or scorn in someone’s eyes: it impacts us very deeply, affecting our psyche positively or negatively. A deeper insight thus into both the workings of the head and the heart are extremely essential. There are no thumb rules or established theories that would help one to tide over the intricacies of life, but certainly a few universal and time-tested rules could be adhered to, in order to sail through happily, rather than be faced with obstacles at every turn.

At the core of our daily lives are relationships, as we are a gregarious species by design and thus default. From the age of hunter gatherers to a settled and more elaborately socializing group, we are up against newer challenges every single day. Old orders are changing, increasingly being replaced by a more global perspective. Cultural lines are thinning, merging or overlapping, putting fresh demands on us as a society. So how does one cope without stretching oneself too thin, is an oft posed question.

In one short or long lifetime, several people touch our lives in different ways. Sometimes a pat on the shoulder from a mere stranger or acquaintance may boost an otherwise sagging morale or on other occasions a harsh word from a loved one may ruin a long relationship. The key, however, is in being able to think beyond the ordinary and develop the ability to balance one’s emotions with just the right mix of logic and practicality. A true learner is one who is always questioning, weighing and ceaselessly exploring.

Shutting our heart or mind to the world does not change reality, hence everyone must be made aware of the need to be a part of a decision making process where, from an early age a child is exposed to the process of weighing odds before taking a decision. It is important to highlight how it is natural for your heart to miss a beat at the sight of a tantalizing beauty, for instance, but it is equally important to express how and why it is vital to take onus for a choice you make. The ability to make the right choice, as in the choice that is suitable and acceptable to an individual and not necessarily to the world, comes with time, but only if one is sensitive enough to pick up the nuances of experiences along the way.

Life has a sprinkling of experiences, some good or bad, some ugly and sad. But those that leave an indelible mark are the ones we relate to individually for different reasons and get impacted differently too. Relationships are of several kinds, some that are bonds of blood and genes and some that are beyond all of these. Some bonds are stronger, ones made for life, as one meanders through life. But restricting these bonds in the confines of structured and narrow minded labels and then sacrificing them at the altar of expectations is a tragedy one is increasingly seeing.

The most beautiful and long lasting relationships, which counter many a storm in later years, are often forged during school life, when there is a combination of innocence and unconditional commitment. But one often sees a kind of derailment in today’s scenario, with innocence having long flown the nest, belittled by name tags that belong to a disorderly, affected, adult world. Translating the complexities of a chaotic adult world to that of a child or adolescent is nothing short of foolhardy, and the younger lot in their urge to emulate, often the wrong role models, end up as early burn out cases, especially when it comes to the intricacies of relationships.

Healthy relationships are those that respect the feelings of another and are based on trust and respect. It also involves the understanding of the concept of privacy which goes by the principle, ‘your rights end, where my nose begins.’

Human beings are driven primarily by instinct and need: the heart of the matter, thus to balance it off, the head must step in. No amount of moral lessons or moral policing is going to evince the desired results. The only aspects that can help to build healthy and strong relationships and consequently a healthier society is an understanding of oneself, developing conviction of thought and the purity of action will automatically follow.

Purity of action sounds extremely doable but often one gets mired in the smothering arena created by temptations, often plummeting one down a path of no return. The key again lies in treading gingerly and adding as a condiment another crucial ingredient, contentment, to give a relationship just the right flavour.

 © Copyright Suverchala Kashyap

This article was written by me in 2008, in an in house magazine aimed primarily at children and parents. I felt it has a certain relevance even today: But as always, it is a subtle, between the lines kind of write-up that I usually dabble in….